A son shared his story that he would rather have been an orphan than burdened by his relationship with his mother.
In the tvN STORY variety program "Lee Ho-sun Counseling Center," which aired on the 18th, a 34-year-old son who wanted to distance himself from his mother and his mother, who knew nothing of her son's worries, appeared.
During that broadcast, he opened up about his struggles: "I try to be the son my mom wants me to be, but it's difficult. I'm exhausted; our relationship feels overwhelming and burdensome."
He said he had never told his mother these worries before, adding, "Even though Mom is already going through a hard time, I didn't want to become a burden or add to her stress."
The mother said, "My son always made sure to get gifts for my sisters during holidays and took care of my nieces' birthdays. He never missed a birthday or Parents' Day for me either, but this year he gave me nothing. My son, who had always been so good, suddenly changed, and I was shocked." She added, "I want to know why."
She also revealed, "There was built-up resentment because our conversations weren't natural or smooth; he would just say 'Okay' or 'Got it.'"
When Lee Ho-sun suggested the pain had started long ago, the son revealed, "My parents fought frequently when I was young, and my older brother hit me a lot. Even then, my parents would just brush it off without serious scolding."
He continued, "Because I was often sick from a young age, I thought on my own that our family's financial situation had deteriorated. Not wanting to be a burden at home, I developed the habit of doing things on my own starting in second grade of elementary school. Even when I was bullied at school, I endured it alone. I don't want to rely on my family."
He confessed to experiencing domestic violence, stating that his mother had been beaten by his father to the point where she couldn't breathe and had to be taken to the emergency room, and that he had been slapped by his father after reporting that his older brother was being beaten by neighborhood bullies.
The son revealed his childhood pain but showed a smiling face, evoking sympathy.
Psychological counselor Lee Ho-sun diagnosed, "When your son says, 'I wish I had been born in an orphanage,' it sounds like he's saying, 'If only my parents hadn't existed.' In such cases, he may have also faced difficulties at school."
In fact, the son revealed that he was bullied by groups throughout his school years, stating, "Whenever I went to the restroom, two or three people would always follow me," but his family claimed they knew nothing about this.
The son opened up about his resentment over his mother's reaction to a past incident where he had nearly drowned in water.
The mother said that when her son was around three years old and caught in the current, she felt unable to save him and ran away, leaving him behind.
She explained, "I thought I might die too, so I turned around and came out to ask for help. Later, while talking with my grown son, I honestly told him, 'We can just have another child; I was going to die, so I ran away to save myself.' It seems that shocked him."
Lee Ho-sun pointed out, "There was no need to say that. Your honest words may have been the beginning of your son's wound."
She continued, "If my son doesn't observe Parents' Day as he always does, I would think something is wrong, but my mother said she felt hurt." She then asked the mother to imagine what it would be like if contact with her son were cut off.
The mother replied, "I suppose he would feel hurt, but seeing his short-text messages made me think, 'He might just drift away from me,' and loneliness set in. I thought, 'They say a woman without a husband's fortune has no children's fortune either; is this it? Yes, that's my husband's child, after all.'"
Upon hearing this, Lee Ho-sun asked, "Perhaps because the mother has only ever received and never given anything to her son?" The mother could not answer.
Lee Ho-sun then diagnosed, "In this house, the giver keeps giving, and the rejecter keeps rejecting. Your son is sick."
Preliminary test results showed the son had a high score for antisocial behavior. Regarding this, Lee Ho-sun interpreted, "This happens when there is alienation within the family. He gives everything but receives nothing in return. He feels completely unrecognized and as if he doesn't exist. His autonomy score is 19, and his self-acceptance score is 1. He gives everything away and has nothing left for himself. He is exhausted and drained alone."
In contrast, the mother's test results showed no anxiety and low social sensitivity, meaning she struggles to empathize with others' pain. Lee Ho-sun diagnosed that this is why the mother could not predict her son's suffering.
Hearing this, the mother said, "I feel like I dumped my burdens on my son. My husband was absent for much of the time, and he didn't provide financial support, so I had to handle everything alone. My son has watched his mother cry since he was young; he probably couldn't say anything."
She continued, "When I said he was like a daughter, it was because he would wipe my tears saying, 'Don't be sad, Mom, I'm here.' Since I am a woman and work while sitting in the bathroom, he would sit down too and watch me work, saying, 'I'll be your daughter.' That's always been him."
Lee Ho-sun said, "Now I understand why my son keeps smiling. He was told not to cry when he was young." She then advised the son, "Cut off contact with your mother for three years."
When the mother heard this and began to weep, the son patted her shoulder and comforted her, showing tears as he said, "I think one year would be enough." Lee Ho-sun firmly responded, "Don't touch your mother. Let's live selfishly for just three years. Recover during that time."
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